I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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