the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
