he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize