The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
