Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
