I love black thongs
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
