stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
