I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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