I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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