Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
