I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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