spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
