So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
