pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
