What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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