I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
