So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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