is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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