After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
