just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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