dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize