Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
