I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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