it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
