I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
