I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Randomize
