I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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