What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
