You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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