How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
