he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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