i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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