Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
