I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
