She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
