It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
