that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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