so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
pop tarts are not kleenex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
