Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
