So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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