I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
