Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
