Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
