fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
