from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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