i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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