Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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