Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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