I wanna bring you to show and tell
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
