I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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