i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
