I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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