I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
