we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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