If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
