Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
