i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
