I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize