when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
