Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
