I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
