i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
