My friends, they love my intelligence
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
