a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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