She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
