chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
