mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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