sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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