I just cut my nipple shaving
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
